Transformation is a profound shift in understanding who we are, our purpose, and our place in the world. It is a process which involves questioning our self-concept and ultimately discovering the truth of our authentic Selves.
This blog post on transformation has struggled to come to fruition because my initial impulse was to share organized information that charts the steps and stages of the transformational journey. Eventually, I realized that the struggle stemmed from the fact that, in the end, the map is not the territory.
Understanding "The Map is Not the Territory"
If this is a new saying for you, "The map is not the territory" means that representations of reality (maps) are not reality itself (the territory). It highlights that models, descriptions, or interpretations of the world are simplifications and cannot capture all the complexities of the actual experience or environment.
The Hero's Journey: A Familiar Map
Nonetheless, I will share two maps. Use them as you see fit. The first map that comes to mind is that of the hero's journey. If you are not familiar with it, just think of most Hollywood movies.
Janet Hagberg's Stages of Personal Power
The second map comes from Janet Hagberg's book Real Power: Stages of Personal Power in Organizations, which offers another powerful map, one that is both developmental and transformational. You'll notice the first 3 stages are influenced by external factors, while the last 3 are influenced by inner transformations:
Stage 1 - Powerlessness: Helplessness, dependency, disempowerment, victimhood. Feeling unable to influence our circumstances or the people in our lives.
Stage 2 - Power by Association: Associating with people, groups or things that seem to have power. Here we draw our sense of self from our relationships.
Stage 3 - Power by Achievement: Derived from our accomplishments and recognition thereof
At this stage, it often takes a 'Crisis of Integrity' that propels individuals into the next stage, in search of a deeper wholeness.
Stage 4 - Power by Reflection: Deep introspection on the big questions of life and honest self-reflection, with power deriving from clarity within that broader perspective. The start of the locus of personal power shifting from the external to the internal.
The Wall in the model between stages 4 and 5 represents the barrier that often has to be overcome to make the changes in order to bring our inner and outer worlds into harmony. This is the hill to climb to go from the 'knowing' of Stage 4 to the 'doing' of Stage 5.
Stage 5 - Power by Purpose: "Fives no longer have to live two separate lives. They have a purpose that extends beyond themselves. They know what their life's calling is, where their deep gladness and the world's hunger meet. And they are able to wed this to their lifestyle and their work."
Stage 6 - Power by Wisdom: Think Yoda. :) "Endlessly curious, imaginative and active [yet] characterized by a calm and quiet strength."
(Thank you Neville Clemens for this wonderful summary.)
Avoiding the Trap of Linear Progression
While all the above is accurate and useful, it is easy to fall into the trap of measuring our progression along a linear timeline. If we are to transform ourselves to be more deeply aligned with our deepest truth, then we must be flexible and avoid being enslaved to a checklist or a prescriptive path. In all honesty, it might feel like these two options:
Yet, this is more likely:
Embracing the Spiral Path of Growth
To get more nuanced, let us layer this onto a spiral pattern to acknowledge that we often circle back to what seems like the same lesson. There may be a sense of, "I thought I was done with this!" When we pause to notice, it is an opportunity to journey through deeper permutations of similar themes. When we do, the time between the above red points shortens, and the high and low points begin to approach the horizontal, yet not quite a straight line. If the path is growth, growth happens with some resistance just like building a muscle with weights. Let's face it, straight lines might sometimes lack an aliveness.
Wisdom from Experience
I have been blessed with 35 years on this path and, either in community or as a professional, have been honoured to witness the sacred stories of others. I certainly don't know everything, and I have forgotten many things, yet here are some bits of wisdom that stand out to me regarding transformation:
It is a process to shed the layers which veil our true Self. It takes courage to trust that we will find our Self as well as our people who will welcome us.
Each dip along the way is a call to turn to a higher intelligence, be it our Higher Self, our guides, our Soul, God, Angels, a master, Gaia, Fred?!?! yes, whomever, whatever will allow us to lean into what is beyond space and time. Our experience of this stability, eternity, and deep wisdom carries us through the challenging moments and gives purpose and meaning to the journey.
We are not meant to do this alone. Being stuck in the echo chamber of our mind is crazy-making. We are called to be discerning about who are our allies and (proverbial) enemies, mentioned in the hero's journey. Whatever they share with us, it might be wise to apply the next bit of wisdom.
One of our best barometers of what our 'yes' and our 'no' are is our body sensations. It serves us well to trust what feels open, expansive, and easeful vs closed, contracted, and simply wrong. Sometimes, this knowing goes in the opposite direction of what others experience. We are called to stand in our strength of knowing.
The process demands boundaries, both internal and external. These are not demands, requests or complaints. Boundaries are respectful containers which allow everyone to be clear and defined. There is freedom in this.
Transformation is about welcoming all our parts. Forgiving ourselves. Undoing shame. Otherwise, we keep reliving what we seek to avoid.
As Brene Brown states, 'Belong to yourself before you belong to others.' We can choose to commit to no longer betraying ourselves for the comfort of others. When we show up embodying our whole being, we have more to offer.
Transformation is about moving from knowledge to wisdom, ideas to experience. This takes place in the short distance of 18 inches: relating to ourselves and the world from our heart rather than our head.
Ban the words 'always', 'never' and 'everyone'. Lean into nuances.
Embrace paradox. 'Both/and' is where the truth resides.
Wake up in the morning with the intention to be unfuckablewith. It may work or not, but the intention will set us up for unlimited opportunities to be more of our true self.
Lessons from Nature
I often look to nature for lessons; as within so without. Today, as I sat down in the grass during a barefoot hike, I watched a wasp. It climbed up a blade of grass. When it got high enough, the grass bent back to the ground. It then climbed up a some clover, and the same thing happened. This happened about ten times until I could no longer watch. It was as if the wasp forgot it had wings to fly. The irony was not lost on me. Sometimes we keep trying, doing similar things, expecting different results. If we remember we have wings, and the courage to use them, we will have new perspectives, see different possibilities, understand the bigger picture, and then raise ourselves up to a truer version of our full expression which inevitability leads to being in service to the world. This. Is. Transformation.
And, of course, perhaps the wasp was simply playing. A crucial reminder to not take all this too seriously. While there may be arduous moments, there are also times of increased sense of freedom, relief, fun, and joy. I celebrate this with you.
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